Prayer Deconstructed
Alejandro Rodríguez
As the “active” Christian in the family, I was frequently called upon at gatherings to say the prayer. I was the one who was in a variety of leadership roles, so it was natural that I would lead the prayer.
It was an honor at the time, but as my faith matured and my image of God grew beyond the box I had created, my prayer life became more unsatisfying.
I came to doubt that my prayers were changing God’s mind or altering the course of events. I did not believe we were pawns on a chessboard that God was moving around based on the earnestness or eloquence of my prayers.
My words became increasingly rote and meaningless.
I came to fully trust in Romans 8:26-28: “Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love of God is worked out for something good.” (from The Message)
I came to realize my prayer time needed to be more of a time of listening than of speaking. My sighs and groans were more than enough to express what I needed to share with God.
As I took time to listen for God’s voice, the less mine mattered. That wasn’t easy, of course. I needed to still my mind and continually challenge what was floating around in my head. I learned to set thoughts aside that were more likely to be my thoughts and pay attention to the thoughts that I was (most often) less likely to want to hear.
I learned that prayer needed to change me.
It wasn’t about God curing illness. It was about how I supported and loved the person who was ill.
It wasn’t about coaxing God to help a friend get a new job. It was more about helping my friend find peace, whatever the outcome.
It was about living a life of gratitude… regardless of the circumstances.
It was about learning to love myself (quite the challenge!)… and to love others as God loves us.
It was about creating the world that God intended… and being accountable for the change that needed to happen.
Along the way, I came to discover other ways of praying that have been far more satisfying:
- Lectio Divina - reading sacred texts to invite us to truly discern what God is speaking
- Prayer of Examen - where we pay attention to God’s presence in our life as we reflect on the day
- Breath Prayer - in which every inhale and exhale is a call to remember that God’s spirit is within us
And along the way, I came to love the quiet time I have with God and listening to what I need to hear.